For The Record

I'm getting tired of having to put things back together in my life.

In the past year, much of my life has been uprooted, and I've been the one who has held it all together.  Don't get me wrong: I've had support from friends and family, and I'm very grateful for it, but the final determination of sink or swim would be on how well I managed to keep on with life.

For all practical purposes I'm a single Dad.  Granted, the boys' Mom is involved, but I still take the primary role without a shadow of a doubt.  This isn't a problem for me in the normal sense; I absolutely love the time I get to spend with my boys and I crave it when they're not with me.

However, I tend to put myself on the back burner a bit when it comes to other things.  My boys come first, which isn't a problem.  But...  I haven't had a relationship since she left me for her new boyfriend last year.  I guess I've had the odd date or two but nothing substantial in the least.  No worries for her; she had a new boyfriend lined up a week before she moved out.

Each and every time my kids mention their mother, it manages to bring back a little of the pain.  I've learned that it's hard to trust anyone once you've been cheated on (and apparently I'm a multiple qualifier for that distinction)... maybe that's a little bit of why I haven't brought anybody into my life.  Not to mention that the (very) few attempts I've made resulted in failure.  Dammit.

In all reality, I've made a lot of progress towards getting on with life, but sometimes I wonder how much I have left to go and when it will end.  Let me tell you, I'm ready to put this part of my life into the past.

Damn, it's almost been a year already.  Stupid calendar.